Name for me one time you raised your hand against someone who didn't deserve it, or wasn't putting someone in danger. Name for me one time you wouldn't go out of your way to save people from certain death. Causation does not equal correlation. A doctor can try as hard as they can to save everybody, but they'll never be able to. That doesn't necessarily mean they're a bad doctor.
[Gnosis does feel a little bad, though. He knows he's gone full logical scolding territory when what Vash clearly needs is a shoulder to cry on and not a weird bird to point out the logical failings. Unfortunately... his mental attempt to curb it is immediately interrupted by himself with the next thing he says. RIP.]
You should use your time here figuring out how you would try to stop something like a cataclysmic fight with Nai from happening. You have some amount of information — perhaps not the full story, but an amount, enough to start thinking in theoretical strides on how you would go about stopping this from happening. Wolfwood might have thought there wouldn't be a fix to it, not because of any doubt in you, but because he tends to see the negative in any situation. Or, he might have thought he could fix it in his own way, without having to hurt your feelings. I don't speak for him, so this is speculation.
If I may ask, and you don't need to answer if you don't want to: Do you trust Wolfwood to make decisions? Any decision, not just pertaining to telling you or not telling you something for any reason.
[He doesn't have an argument to that. Naturally he doesn't agree — a doctor is a bd doctor when everything they do to help results in more suffering. That's the kind of person he is. It doesn't matter how well he means when from Jenora Rock to JuLai, ruin had been left in his wake. He at least respects Gnosis enough to let him finish speaking, though.
Only once silence creeps in does he add:]
Things stop being coincidences when they happen again and again and again.
[He does make a good point. They do know something. And if they can convince Zazie to talk, maybe they'd have even more to go off of. The knowledge is a blessing in many ways, but it only makes him more angry. What if he'd never known?]
All the more reason to tell me. To give me a chance. [He says it almost petulantly, like a scolded child.]
[Please Gnosis is not talking about medical malpractice, that's a whole other rabbit hole he's trying to avoid going down. Still, it's his turn on the listening, and now he's actually sitting at the table across from Vash.
This time, he doesn't give Vash five paragraphs of argument to mull over. It's a simple question:]
Then, do you trust his decision not to tell you about this, looking back?
No, my exact words were "not just pertaining to this". You had the opportunity to be corrective and pedantic with me earlier, but I understand if I worded it in a way that was confusing.
[He is aware he is like this.]
Regardless, I asked that for a reason. If you don't trust his ability to make decisions pertaining to your wellbeing or about you, then you both need to sit down and have a conversation like adults about it. None of this yelling, none of this manhandling the table, none of that. Notice how I haven't raised my voice at you once, despite you shouting this entire time?
I'm saying this as someone who has been married sixteen years: Trust in your partner knowing how to make a decision, even those pertaining to you, is important. Enciodes has one hundred percent of my trust if he makes a choice. He knows what boundaries not to cross with me, and I know which boundaries not to cross with him. And when a decision is tough, we talk about it, calm voices and all. If you two are going to last at all, learning how to talk to one another about issues and trust in their decisions is the first step. You can't have a relationship without trust.
[Well, that's one way to shut him up. Vash closes his mouth and sits with the words. As the anger leaves, the raw, hollowed out feeling that's clung to him since his fight with Nick is now unobscured. Vash hates the way it feels. It's a singularity, one threatening to pull him apart from the inside out.
Ultimately, Gnosis has plucked the truth straight out of Vash. He doesn't trust Wolfwood. He doesn't know when that happened, but he isn't confident it started with this. After all, the decisions the Priest had made had gotten him killed, had put the whole grove at risk.
And from the way Wolfwood has been talking to him, alluding to the possibility of Vash leaving...]
Maybe I don't trust him. [Which would be a fine conclusion on its own, except.]
[Well, if Vash somehow wanted Gnosis to react with gasping and "no!!! that's not what I meant!!!!!" that sure doesn't happen. He remains completely stone-faced, arms crossed, and leans back into his chair just slightly.]
Is that how you feel? I would steer you toward having a conversation to try to repair that lost trust first and see what can be done. You're in a newer relationship, comparatively — you won't always be able to intuit each other's desires correctly the first time. That's completely normal. What isn't normal or healthy is these types of issues continually and constantly popping up.
[Personally, Gnosis would feel very sad if they broke it off because they're both his special little guys, but this isn't about him, and so he doesn't voice it. He isn't here to influence the decision.]
Let me float this by you for your consideration: Do you think you're better off without him? Do you believe that your trust in him will never be regained?
[It's a good question to ask. in most cases, Vash would say that he could easily repair his trust. He was so good at swallowing down the little things, choking down the tiny razors that Wolfwood could fling without realizing it. When it comes to his own wellbeing, there's little that he can't simply shrug off.
But this isn't about him. This is about the innocent lives beyond them. Maybe he can respect that Wolfwood wanted to protect him from an outcome like this, but he can't simply swallow down the fact that countless people would lose their lives if he never knew.
The silence stretches on as Vash struggles with his own internal monologue. He chews on his cheek for a long moment before finally offering:]
I don't know. [A beat.] I don't think I'm better off without him. Maybe he's better off without me but... [He shakes his head.] I don't care about what he did to me. He could probably do a lot worse and I'd forgive him.
But this isn't just us. JuLai is the biggest city on our planet. If it got destroyed...
I can forgive him when it comes to me. But putting others at risk... I don't know.
If your answer to either of those questions ever becomes "I do think I'm better off, and I don't believe I can trust him ever", then yes, I would recommend you break it off. I'm at least glad you didn't immediately tell me those.
[He doesn't like the alternate reality where that's what Vash said and Gnosis had to nod and say yeah dump him.]
All of that is understandable. I do think you two need to talk — again, like adults, no yelling or storming off — and discuss all of this properly. Starting with why this occurred — why he didn't tell you, why you want him to tell you in the future — and explaining yourselves adequately after that. Set boundaries with each other, and don't cross them. If your boundaries conflict, I'd advise you to rethink the situation and what that might mean for your relationship.
I realise something like this needs to be private, but if it would make you feel more comfortable, I wouldn't mind sitting in to help you both sort through it. If not me, Mizuki is a lot warmer in demeanour. The decision is yours, but I do hope it works out for both of you.
[...]
Do you mind if I ask you one more question? More about you than the situation at hand.
[Even if that isn't the reality, it still sends a shiver down his spine hearing it spoken aloud. When he really thinks about it, he doesn't want to leave Wolfwood. He's been happier than ever with both him and Livio around. Things have been good. He doesn't want something like this, something like him to ruin it all.]
Maybe. [And yet he doesn't feel the pull to go running back to his cabin.] It's okay if I'm not ready to yet, right?
[Though, now that he's thinking about it...]
Honestly, I don't think I would mind you being there. But not... Mizuki. He means well! He's a good kid. But I know what angle he's going to push, and I... really don't want to deal with that on top of anything.
Take your time and give yourself, and him, some space. Going into a discussion with a clear head is better than entering it while your emotions are running high. And if you need my help, you know I'll be around.
[And no Mizuki, got it. Gnosis affords a brow-raise, but... he's also been avoiding therapy. Do as he says not as he does, et cetera.
He pushes his glasses up with a finger.]
My question is fairly simple, but... are you aware you tend to self-destruct in moments like these?
[He isn't sure when he'll have a clear head considering... everything. But at least he Gnosis says that taking time isn't bad! It's not like Gnosis would lead him astray! Gnosis has never been an asshole in his entire life.
... Except for now, maybe, now that he's asked that question. Vash sputters once before glancing away.]
Is it too late to revoke your question asking privileges?
I'm not playing therapist with you. It isn't my job, and I lack the empathetic capacity to actually help, I feel. What I am wondering is why you insist on hurting yourself or getting into trouble whenever something big occurs. I'm likely not the only person that's noticed, too.
It's not that I'm trying to get hurt, I just... have bad luck.
[And then stops short. His back remains to Gnosis, but at least he isn't going anywhere.]
When things go wrong... I run. That's all I've done, all my life. Bounty hunter finds me in a town and the whole place turns against me? Start running. Plant gets stolen and my face looks like my brother's? Better hit the dirt.
Even if I can't run as far here it's... familiar. So when something bad happens, I just take off. Then it's just a matter of time before I find myself in places where I shouldn't be. I don't back down when I should, then.
...did you run off when you were talking to Wolfwood?
[He is Connecting the two dots.]
Because, if so, I'm going to be bluntly honest: You cannot do that when it comes to personal relationships. Not friendships, and especially not romances. You can mention that you need space to think and that you'll be back later, and if that's what happened, then ignore me being suspicious of you as you stand up and try to run from me as well — but getting angry and storming off is emotionally worse for everyone involved.
No, not really. Something a little more direct and less... mm, passive-aggressive, perhaps, would have been fine. "I need some space to clear my head", for example. Give him time to respond as well.
I know I should have. But all I could think was - [He sucks in a heavy breath.] I just kept thinking about all those people. And I couldn't process anything else. Not really an excuse. Just... is.
I understand. I often get like that too. I had to learn the hard way not to get so in my own head about things.
[But this isn't about him, so he just shakes his head.]
When I say you're a good person, Vash, it's this side of your personality that I mean. Someone who thinks like that and sees red when innocent people die isn't someone evil like you think you are.
Even if I am good... [Which he doubts, but we've covered this extensively.] Good people can do bad things.
[But they're going in circles, and Vash is exhausted. He doesn't want to talk anymore.]
Look in any case I've... probably worn out my welcome. And I need to get some work done before I get too caught up. Promised I'd bring supplies back to the Lighthouse. [A pause.] Thanks for listening to me, though. And... helping where I let you.
[Ah... the line of his shoulders goes rigid as he reaches the doorway. He can't will himself to look back once more, so instead he simply... gives a halfhearted shrug.]
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succiduous) wrote2023-07-30 08:17 pm
no subject
[Gnosis does feel a little bad, though. He knows he's gone full logical scolding territory when what Vash clearly needs is a shoulder to cry on and not a weird bird to point out the logical failings. Unfortunately... his mental attempt to curb it is immediately interrupted by himself with the next thing he says. RIP.]
You should use your time here figuring out how you would try to stop something like a cataclysmic fight with Nai from happening. You have some amount of information — perhaps not the full story, but an amount, enough to start thinking in theoretical strides on how you would go about stopping this from happening. Wolfwood might have thought there wouldn't be a fix to it, not because of any doubt in you, but because he tends to see the negative in any situation. Or, he might have thought he could fix it in his own way, without having to hurt your feelings. I don't speak for him, so this is speculation.
If I may ask, and you don't need to answer if you don't want to: Do you trust Wolfwood to make decisions? Any decision, not just pertaining to telling you or not telling you something for any reason.
no subject
Only once silence creeps in does he add:]
Things stop being coincidences when they happen again and again and again.
[He does make a good point. They do know something. And if they can convince Zazie to talk, maybe they'd have even more to go off of. The knowledge is a blessing in many ways, but it only makes him more angry. What if he'd never known?]
All the more reason to tell me. To give me a chance. [He says it almost petulantly, like a scolded child.]
Of course I do. Nick is. Way smarter than I am.
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This time, he doesn't give Vash five paragraphs of argument to mull over. It's a simple question:]
Then, do you trust his decision not to tell you about this, looking back?
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You asked me if I trust him to make decisions outside of this! And I do! I trust him to do the right thing. To know what's best for him!
[He shakes his head.]
That's all - it's different than decisions about me!
no subject
[He is aware he is like this.]
Regardless, I asked that for a reason. If you don't trust his ability to make decisions pertaining to your wellbeing or about you, then you both need to sit down and have a conversation like adults about it. None of this yelling, none of this manhandling the table, none of that. Notice how I haven't raised my voice at you once, despite you shouting this entire time?
I'm saying this as someone who has been married sixteen years: Trust in your partner knowing how to make a decision, even those pertaining to you, is important. Enciodes has one hundred percent of my trust if he makes a choice. He knows what boundaries not to cross with me, and I know which boundaries not to cross with him. And when a decision is tough, we talk about it, calm voices and all. If you two are going to last at all, learning how to talk to one another about issues and trust in their decisions is the first step. You can't have a relationship without trust.
no subject
Ultimately, Gnosis has plucked the truth straight out of Vash. He doesn't trust Wolfwood. He doesn't know when that happened, but he isn't confident it started with this. After all, the decisions the Priest had made had gotten him killed, had put the whole grove at risk.
And from the way Wolfwood has been talking to him, alluding to the possibility of Vash leaving...]
Maybe I don't trust him. [Which would be a fine conclusion on its own, except.]
So, I should leave him.
no subject
Is that how you feel? I would steer you toward having a conversation to try to repair that lost trust first and see what can be done. You're in a newer relationship, comparatively — you won't always be able to intuit each other's desires correctly the first time. That's completely normal. What isn't normal or healthy is these types of issues continually and constantly popping up.
[Personally, Gnosis would feel very sad if they broke it off because they're both his special little guys, but this isn't about him, and so he doesn't voice it. He isn't here to influence the decision.]
Let me float this by you for your consideration: Do you think you're better off without him? Do you believe that your trust in him will never be regained?
no subject
But this isn't about him. This is about the innocent lives beyond them. Maybe he can respect that Wolfwood wanted to protect him from an outcome like this, but he can't simply swallow down the fact that countless people would lose their lives if he never knew.
The silence stretches on as Vash struggles with his own internal monologue. He chews on his cheek for a long moment before finally offering:]
I don't know. [A beat.] I don't think I'm better off without him. Maybe he's better off without me but... [He shakes his head.] I don't care about what he did to me. He could probably do a lot worse and I'd forgive him.
But this isn't just us. JuLai is the biggest city on our planet. If it got destroyed...
I can forgive him when it comes to me. But putting others at risk... I don't know.
no subject
[He doesn't like the alternate reality where that's what Vash said and Gnosis had to nod and say yeah dump him.]
All of that is understandable. I do think you two need to talk — again, like adults, no yelling or storming off — and discuss all of this properly. Starting with why this occurred — why he didn't tell you, why you want him to tell you in the future — and explaining yourselves adequately after that. Set boundaries with each other, and don't cross them. If your boundaries conflict, I'd advise you to rethink the situation and what that might mean for your relationship.
I realise something like this needs to be private, but if it would make you feel more comfortable, I wouldn't mind sitting in to help you both sort through it. If not me, Mizuki is a lot warmer in demeanour. The decision is yours, but I do hope it works out for both of you.
[...]
Do you mind if I ask you one more question? More about you than the situation at hand.
no subject
Maybe. [And yet he doesn't feel the pull to go running back to his cabin.] It's okay if I'm not ready to yet, right?
[Though, now that he's thinking about it...]
Honestly, I don't think I would mind you being there. But not... Mizuki. He means well! He's a good kid. But I know what angle he's going to push, and I... really don't want to deal with that on top of anything.
[He is running so hard away from therapy okay.
Anyway, he gives a nod to Gnosis.]
Ask whatever you want...
no subject
[And no Mizuki, got it. Gnosis affords a brow-raise, but... he's also been avoiding therapy. Do as he says not as he does, et cetera.
He pushes his glasses up with a finger.]
My question is fairly simple, but... are you aware you tend to self-destruct in moments like these?
no subject
[He isn't sure when he'll have a clear head considering... everything. But at least he Gnosis says that taking time isn't bad! It's not like Gnosis would lead him astray! Gnosis has never been an asshole in his entire life.
... Except for now, maybe, now that he's asked that question. Vash sputters once before glancing away.]
Is it too late to revoke your question asking privileges?
no subject
I'm not playing therapist with you. It isn't my job, and I lack the empathetic capacity to actually help, I feel. What I am wondering is why you insist on hurting yourself or getting into trouble whenever something big occurs. I'm likely not the only person that's noticed, too.
1/2
2/2
[And then stops short. His back remains to Gnosis, but at least he isn't going anywhere.]
When things go wrong... I run. That's all I've done, all my life. Bounty hunter finds me in a town and the whole place turns against me? Start running. Plant gets stolen and my face looks like my brother's? Better hit the dirt.
Even if I can't run as far here it's... familiar. So when something bad happens, I just take off. Then it's just a matter of time before I find myself in places where I shouldn't be. I don't back down when I should, then.
Bang!
no subject
[He is Connecting the two dots.]
Because, if so, I'm going to be bluntly honest: You cannot do that when it comes to personal relationships. Not friendships, and especially not romances. You can mention that you need space to think and that you'll be back later, and if that's what happened, then ignore me being suspicious of you as you stand up and try to run from me as well — but getting angry and storming off is emotionally worse for everyone involved.
no subject
I... sort of said I needed space. More that I just. Couldn't be there. And didn't give him time to respond.
Does that count?
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no subject
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[But this isn't about him, so he just shakes his head.]
When I say you're a good person, Vash, it's this side of your personality that I mean. Someone who thinks like that and sees red when innocent people die isn't someone evil like you think you are.
no subject
[But they're going in circles, and Vash is exhausted. He doesn't want to talk anymore.]
Look in any case I've... probably worn out my welcome. And I need to get some work done before I get too caught up. Promised I'd bring supplies back to the Lighthouse. [A pause.] Thanks for listening to me, though. And... helping where I let you.
no subject
[...]
Be careful when you go. And please... do not make me have to recite the prayer I did for your brother for you, too.
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I'll do what I can, at least.
[He doesn't linger beyond this.]