[Well, at least it gets Gnosis to swivel in his chair and turn around. His work can wait for once. He still doesn't look happy (hard to, when his default is stoicism and frowning), but at least he's being receptive.]
Well. [...] It isn't particularly like me to put value on over-emotional discussions like that, nor is it like me to have such outbursts, especially ones where personal information is relayed so readily. It's why I prefer to keep such strong feelings under wraps, since they interfere with...
Apologies. You didn't ask. [Sigh.] Regardless, I appreciate you reaching out.
You don't need to explain anything, we all have our own sins to carry. I just needed you to know, that yeah I meant what I said - but that doesn't mean. Saying it the way I did, was okay. [ Stoic, and gruff sounding. The only movement he makes is that of his arm slowly across. ] I don't care how you want to be, or how you hold yourself - you do you.
Sorry for sounding like I was trying to squander that. That's all.
[Swivels back in his chair and goes back to tinkering... Gnosis has a hard time holding conversations like this without doing something with his hands.]
...and, for what it's worth, I do accept your apology.
[The audience "awws" and stuff.]
We both have our opinions on how that young man should get to grow up, [y'all he's 17,] for reasons which, as I demonstrated, are quite personal. That said, I shouldn't push my personal agendas onto him either, even if it's from a place of concern. [SIGHS. When did he become fatherly, what the fuck. Does this come with age...]
[ Thats all Gnosis needed, and even if he did not accept Lancelot's apology. It would be fine, he would accept it. Accept it the same way he accepts all who want him damn'd for the rest of his life.
There is an awkward silence, Lancelot does to know what to say. Or what should come next, but he at least attempts and affords a simple piece of information. ]
I had a kid, once. [ Not out of consent mind you, but that was not the subject he would ever bring up. ] Well, when you are a Knight amidst a war. You end up being a father to many kids, whether you want to or not. In the end, it doesn't matter how much effort you put into them, they always find a way to either figure it out themself or just...
They remember what you say, doesn't mean. They will do it.
Anyway, I wont bother you.
icb lancer is gnosis' rebound from silverash's nonexistence in this game
[Gnosis doesn't make friends easily. It's a known thing about him; he hates emotional conversations, he dislikes people encroaching on his space, he has like three people he likes in this entire world and none of those three people are here. And maybe he can attribute it to loneliness when he suddenly spins in his chair and fixes Lancelot with a deep frown, mouth moving before he can stop it:]
Wait. [...] Tell me about your child.
Edited (okay real tag now sorry for sneaking in that gagtag (i'm not)) 2023-10-26 17:36 (UTC)
.... I am going to be honest with you - I am surprised you don't know him.
[ Lancelot was about to leave when the other said that, and his own answer comes out so quickly because he is actually really fucking confused. ]
I am surprised, none of you know me... I am not used to ... This sort of, freedom. [ He looks down, attempting to collect the right words. ] I am not used to, being able to just have my life and private affairs be just that.
How do you not know who I am? Are you just, not from Earth? No... Maybe a different version of Earth, with a separate history?
I'm from Terra. There are knights there, typically from the country of Kazimierz, but I'm unfamiliar with most of them outside the Nearl family and some Operators on Rhodes Island from Pinus Sylvestris specifically. If there's a "Lancelot" on Terra, I don't know of him.
I suppose, in that regard, you're freer than you'll ever be here. An ironic thing to say, certainly, but true nonetheless.
[ It just... None of that sounds familiar to him which almost excites him in a way. He has an understanding of most if not all history due to the Grail instilling these facts to him.
Lancelot takes a moment to drink that all in - No one knows who he is here.
To think he's been especially an ass because he felt like they all did, and all felt disgusted by him - anxiety is a bitch even for servants. He still feels like someone knows, someone knows and they are going to tell everyone. ]
Galahad.
[ A pause, drinking everything in. ]
Far greater than someone I ever could be, even God recognized him. He was not long for my world, he was one of the only ever in our time. To accomplish the Great Quest bestowed onto every one of us Knights. As such, he thus ascended... Taken by God.
I did not have the chance to say much to him or raise him myself... I probably raised Gareth, more than I raised anyone else. Another fine Knight.
The best of us. [ And I killed him. ]
I am not here to lay my life thickly unto you, but since you have shared something of yourself. Now you know something of me too.
"Taken by God"... an eerily similar tradition to what happens to some young women in Kjerag, my home country. Although, fairly put, most of that tradition was started by the people and not by Kjeragandr Herself, and historically, these young women were sacrificed up until fairly recently. [A shake of the head. Unimportant details.] For what it's worth, Lancelot, I'm grateful you got to spend that time with him and the other young man you mentioned. I don't think I have to tell you to cherish those moments.
[ BOY YOU DONT EVEN KNOW, it's an indiscernible feeling. When you know something others don't, something you would never - in your life. Let other people understand for that matter, so when the words leave from Gnosis's mouth. Lingering in a well of thoughts within his own mind, Lancelot feels his chest heave with a sense of sharp hurt. A feeling as if someone was tripping, falling, and then all too suddenly stopped. Listless and floating in that tension - that feeling of disgust and guilt.
Not regret, Lancelot regrets nothing.
For what it's worth, ]
Yeah, [ We hit ac check baby. Lancelot runs away a lot despite making it evident he is not one to run away - but what else do you do? Before things get awkward, and you both are swimming within the lakes of Avalon trying to stay 5 feet apart. ] thank you. I'm going to go now, I appreciate your time, and if ever you hear foul words come from my mouth.
Know they do not come from a place of your own self-worth.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
succiduous) wrote2023-07-30 08:17 pm
no subject
[Well, at least it gets Gnosis to swivel in his chair and turn around. His work can wait for once. He still doesn't look happy (hard to, when his default is stoicism and frowning), but at least he's being receptive.]
Well. [...] It isn't particularly like me to put value on over-emotional discussions like that, nor is it like me to have such outbursts, especially ones where personal information is relayed so readily. It's why I prefer to keep such strong feelings under wraps, since they interfere with...
Apologies. You didn't ask. [Sigh.] Regardless, I appreciate you reaching out.
no subject
Sorry for sounding like I was trying to squander that. That's all.
no subject
[Swivels back in his chair and goes back to tinkering... Gnosis has a hard time holding conversations like this without doing something with his hands.]
...and, for what it's worth, I do accept your apology.
[The audience "awws" and stuff.]
We both have our opinions on how that young man should get to grow up, [y'all he's 17,] for reasons which, as I demonstrated, are quite personal. That said, I shouldn't push my personal agendas onto him either, even if it's from a place of concern. [SIGHS. When did he become fatherly, what the fuck. Does this come with age...]
now they kiss - jk
[ Thats all Gnosis needed, and even if he did not accept Lancelot's apology. It would be fine, he would accept it. Accept it the same way he accepts all who want him damn'd for the rest of his life.
There is an awkward silence, Lancelot does to know what to say. Or what should come next, but he at least attempts and affords a simple piece of information. ]
I had a kid, once. [ Not out of consent mind you, but that was not the subject he would ever bring up. ] Well, when you are a Knight amidst a war. You end up being a father to many kids, whether you want to or not. In the end, it doesn't matter how much effort you put into them, they always find a way to either figure it out themself or just...
They remember what you say, doesn't mean. They will do it.
Anyway, I wont bother you.
icb lancer is gnosis' rebound from silverash's nonexistence in this game
[Gnosis doesn't make friends easily. It's a known thing about him; he hates emotional conversations, he dislikes people encroaching on his space, he has like three people he likes in this entire world and none of those three people are here. And maybe he can attribute it to loneliness when he suddenly spins in his chair and fixes Lancelot with a deep frown, mouth moving before he can stop it:]
Wait. [...] Tell me about your child.
SDFNJKDSF LMFAO
[ Lancelot was about to leave when the other said that, and his own answer comes out so quickly because he is actually really fucking confused. ]
I am surprised, none of you know me... I am not used to ... This sort of, freedom. [ He looks down, attempting to collect the right words. ] I am not used to, being able to just have my life and private affairs be just that.
How do you not know who I am? Are you just, not from Earth? No... Maybe a different version of Earth, with a separate history?
no subject
I suppose, in that regard, you're freer than you'll ever be here. An ironic thing to say, certainly, but true nonetheless.
no subject
Lancelot takes a moment to drink that all in - No one knows who he is here.
To think he's been especially an ass because he felt like they all did, and all felt disgusted by him - anxiety is a bitch even for servants. He still feels like someone knows, someone knows and they are going to tell everyone. ]
Galahad.
[ A pause, drinking everything in. ]
Far greater than someone I ever could be, even God recognized him. He was not long for my world, he was one of the only ever in our time. To accomplish the Great Quest bestowed onto every one of us Knights. As such, he thus ascended... Taken by God.
I did not have the chance to say much to him or raise him myself... I probably raised Gareth, more than I raised anyone else. Another fine Knight.
The best of us. [ And I killed him. ]
I am not here to lay my life thickly unto you, but since you have shared something of yourself. Now you know something of me too.
no subject
They don't last long.
no subject
Not regret, Lancelot regrets nothing.
For what it's worth, ]
Yeah, [ We hit ac check baby. Lancelot runs away a lot despite making it evident he is not one to run away - but what else do you do? Before things get awkward, and you both are swimming within the lakes of Avalon trying to stay 5 feet apart. ] thank you. I'm going to go now, I appreciate your time, and if ever you hear foul words come from my mouth.
Know they do not come from a place of your own self-worth.
[ And then he leaves, just like that. ]